


These Voices In My Head Get Loud

by fairlylocaldreamer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Please Be careful, trigger warning for self-harm temptation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-03 20:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairlylocaldreamer/pseuds/fairlylocaldreamer
Summary: The voices in his head are back, slowly growing louder.Tyler wants them gone.He knows someone who can help him.But someone else ends up helping a lot more.





	These Voices In My Head Get Loud

it's so, so tempting. the voices in his head are back, slowly growing louder. he wants to smash them out, get rid of them, scream until he's louder than them, but he can't. his voice refuses to budge from where it sits in a giant lump at the back of his throat.

he wants jenna, but jenna is out shopping, blissfully unaware of the way tyler wants to drag a blade across his wrists. the box of razors sits no more than three feet away from him on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, taunting him, beckoning him.

his body is begging him to do it, but he doesn't want to give in, or give up, he doesn't want to, doesn't want to, stop, nononono _nonono_.

his phone. yes, his phone. he scrambles for it, shaky hands dialing familiar numbers as he shrinks back into the corner, watching the box like it might try to kill him.

_please please please._

the dialing noise cuts off. someone has picked up, and tyler nearly sobs in relief. he waits for the familiar voice.

"hey, tyler?" the voice is familiar, but it's not the one tyler was expecting. it's debby, not josh, who has picked up the phone. "I know you probably want to talk to josh, but he's in the shower right now and I didn't want to leave you hanging, you know?"

tyler opens his mouth to tell her  _it's okay, thanks, I'll call back later_ but all that comes out is a noise that is somewhere between a sob and a whimper.

"tyler, you okay?" debby's voice is concerned.

tyler shakes his head even though she can't see him. "no," he whispers. "I bought a box of razors because I thought I could have them without being tempted but I  _can't_ and the voices keep telling me to do it but I don't want to hurt myself, I'm almost at ten years clean but they're so tempting and I don't know what to  _do._ " the sobs that have been building inside him escape, wrecking his body and stealing his breath.

"okay, tyler, I need you to listen to me, and listen carefully. c'mon, focus on me." debby's voice has changed; it's no longer the spunky, upbeat sounds he's come to associate with her. now it's smoother, like her sharp tongue has been rounded by sandpaper. it reminds tyler a little bit of jenna, her soft-spoken manner, and it brings him comfort. "do you think you can touch the box of razors, tyler? just to put them away? think you can do that for me?"

"I think so," tyler sniffles. he slowly inches towards them, opening the cabinet door underneath the sink. all his movements are slow, like he's afraid the box will bite him. if he lets them, the contents inside will do much worse.

with a quick swipe of his hand, the box is underneath the sink and the door is slammed shut. tyler crawls back into the corner, heart hammering. "I did it," he whispers into the phone.

"okay, good," says debby. "we're gonna breathe now, tyler. can you breathe with me? inhale, one two three four... exhale, one two three four. good, can you do it again?"

tyler closes his eyes, trying to stay with her counting, trying to calm the swirling storm inside him. "it's not working," he says softly after a while, tears pricking at his eyes. he's a failure. "it's not working, debby, it's not working..."

"hey, no, that's okay. let's try something different, alright?" debby thinks for a moment. "okay. tyler, tell me five things you can see."

he opens his eyes. "um... I'm on the floor, so I can see the bathroom tiles. and the toilet, and the sink. jenna's shampoo bottle, and the door."

"now four things you can hear?"

"the faucet's leaking, so I can hear that. I can hear your voice. my neighbor's mowing their lawn. and... oh, there's a car driving down the street."

"perfect. three things you can smell?"

"It just smells a lot like bathroom in here." tyler half-heartedly chuckles. "disinfectant, I guess. it does smell a little like jenna's perfume, though."

debby laughs. "that one that smells like vanilla? I love that one. can you name two things you can touch?"

"my phone and the wall."

"one thing you can taste?"

"I bit my lip pretty hard. my mouth tastes like blood."

"I hate it when that happens, the taste doesn't go away for like, hours. listen, tyler. josh got out of the shower- it's about time, he probably used up all the hot water- I'm gonna ask him to call jenna. want me to stay on the line with you until she gets home?"

tyler assesses himself. the voices in his head have gotten quieter, just small masses in the very back of his brain. "I think I'll be good. besides, she's only like ten minutes away. uh... can I ask you something though, debby?"

"yeah, for sure." there's some shuffling on her side of the line, which tyler assumes is josh looking for a phone to call jenna on.

"where'd you learn to do this? like deal with someone having a mental breakdown."

she exhales. "josh and I have anxiety attacks all the time. uh, it gets pretty bad around paparazzi, but we've kind of found things that work to calm us down. he likes the counting method, and I like the breathing one. we help each other out, you know?"

there's a strange sensation in tyler's chest, a warmth that expands readily as he listens to her talk about helping his best friend. "thank you, debby," he says finally. "for everything."

he can hear her smile. "no problem, tyler. stay safe, okay? and call back if you need anything."

"I will. promise."

after they hang up, he goes into the living room and sits on the couch until jenna gets home and wraps him up in her arms.

"are you okay?" she murmurs into his hair. "you did so good, ty. I'm proud of you."

he nods, feeling incredibly exhausted all at once. "yeah. debby helped a lot." he can hear jenna's confusion as he lays down, suddenly ready for a nap.

"debby?"

he nods sleepily and yawns. "yeah. josh got himself a good one." he falls asleep with jenna stroking his hair, and the voices in his head are finally quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> I never really see any tyler/debby fics on here, but I feel like they're friends irl. anyway, thanks for reading! leave kudos and comments if you want, and have a great day/night/whatever. stay street


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